Why I do it

I was having a conversation with one of my favorite friends the other day, the kind of person you can tell anything, and he was sharing something deeply moving to him. To be honest, he’s usually sharing something deeply moving; he’s just that kind of guy. (Every girl should have a friend like this by the way) When I went to relate my own experience of what he was going through, I said something like, “It’s kinda like sex. You can’t not be moved by what’s happening. The experience will change you in some way. And the more you open to it, the more you will get out of it.” He started laughing. “Everything comes down to sex for you, doesn’t it?” he replied.

But he’s right. It does. I love sex! I always have. I did even when I was in a marriage where the sex wasn’t awesome, and we were married 7 years longer than our 7-year marriage deserved. I still wanted him, and I didn’t punish myself by pushing him away sexually. There was too much goodness there. It was the last part of our marriage to die.

There are so many facets to sex and sexuality. It inspires so much of life beyond the fact that without it we wouldn’t have life at all. It is the driving energy of life itself–what we find beautiful and why we feel motivated to do what we do. If we drive life into a corner and really examine it, the genetic factors of our being, which speak the language of sex, are controlling our brains to make the choices we think we are so in control of. At the moment we make a decision to do the merger with so and so because we think we want more power because we think we want more money because we think we want to keep our home because we think we want to keep the stability in the family because we think we want our wife to keep the kids and food and general home life running smoothly, it is really about our penises and vaginas. And if you don’t have a wife and kids, it’s still your dick in the end that is running the show, as the genetic programming is thinking “spread the seed.” (But keep a helmet on soldier). Because the higher brain has learned to also protect your pocket book. Good thinking!

Okay, so I got a little distracted there. This is MY blog, MY brain. I can do what I want. Anyway… I like sex. That’s the point here. And it’s not just sex that I love. I love bodies. On a man, I am forever fascinated and intrigued by my lover’s penis. When I am face to face or face to penis rather, I enter worship energy. There’s no other word for it.

Imagine a tunnel or a wormhole where your heart starts beating to a faster rhythm, and the sounds outside feel distant. The room seems far away. Your mouth feels wet and dry at the same time, and this needs starts forming as your mouth opens and swallows. You know you are faced with something precious, something holy, and there are times when I almost feel unworthy of the gift. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have an ability to experience a truly expansive, spiritual transcendence just by putting my mouth on you. And then I become lost somewhere after that moment where I cannot tell if I am a mouth or a woman or a penis or a man. I am simply something that moves and feels and loves and wants. I am that which needs and that which fills needs. I am that which is empty and that which fills emptiness. I am whole and I am nothing.

Now image that with sex too! And image that when I go down on a woman. Oh heavens! Don’t get me started on women and the beauty of a vagina. My eyes glaze over with the shear glory of that mystery.

That will be another blog. Stay tuned. I need to take a time out.

smallnyxheart

1 Comment

  1. I eanna have a good time

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